DAVID BECKHAM - legend and inspiration to us all

!&Sunday, April 29, 2007

Some people have good luck charms. I have got something like that but not quite what I would label as a 'good luck charm.' I have got two things that when I wear them, good things seem to happen. Or at least I used to have two. First, I had a necklace that I got from a dear friend as a 'pasalubong galing US' while the other was from another dear friend. This time it was a bracelet and I try to wear both when ever I can. Sadly however, the necklace broke after a long service record. The bracelet, sufficent to say, its on the table now right next to the laptop as I type this. Just a thought as to when these two things started being my 'lucky charms.' I wore both of them the day I scored my first RIFA goal.

But what is luck really. Do people really get lucky? Can people actually turn luck in their favor? Or maybe, there never was a thing called luck. Maybe people are destined for some things. Maybe I was destined to score that day after all those years, after all the effort I put into playing, maybe then, there, it was supposed to happen. Maybe, it was not luck. Perhaps, I earned it. The world did not just throw me a bone, I grabbed thatbone and said, 'this is mine, not yours, deal with it.'

Destiny however can be a scary topic in itself. That things were supposed to happen. That no matter what you do or what you think, things will always end in a certain way. It is almost like that the world could have existed without you even being there. You could not do anything but things would somehow act out in a way toward an end. But, maybe by doing nothing, you are doing your part in the act that is the play that is the way things work in this world. The decision process that we all go through. Do i have tea or coffee this morning? Do i fake left or drive right? Do I lie or tell the truth no matter how hard it is to tell? Some of these decisions are easy to make, I feel like coffee today, so thats what I'll have. This guy is sluggish on his right so I'll take advantage and go there. But then, there are the harder decisions to make, do i lie? Do I steal? Do i hurt? Should I? Could I? Must I? These decisions are sometimes harder to make out. It is harder to shift through all the haze around these things and find the 'right answer.' But if there is such a thing as destiny, doesn't making a choice mean nothing? Someway, somehow, you were supposed to choose coffee, you were supposed to drive right. You had to lie, you had to cheat, you had to steal. You just had to do these things cause from the very start of time, you were meant to do it. Isn't that scary? You are a puppet in these puppet act that is life, that is history that is time. Scary.

We humans are mortal beings. We all have an expiry date stamped on us somewhere. Sorry for us, we just cant see it.

posted @ Sunday, April 29, 2007

!&Saturday, April 28, 2007

Up until recently I have been updating faithfully. Thing is, my computer has completely died and therefore I have no real access to the internet. When I do get the chance to use another computer, my tita's laptop or other tita's desktop I never seem to be in the mood to realy write. Well, today is Saturday, it is a weekend and my tita has no work. Her laptop has been on the table top doing nothing so I thought I'd go back and give this blog a go again. Luck for it I seem to be in a good writing mood today.

But then, what to write about. Hmm, what about good bands that disspear for no real reason? Thing is, I have always enjoyed the music of bands like Third Eye Blind and Vertical Horizon way way back before I knew any band names. I knew there songs and only recently, I got to know their band names. What I still do not know is what happened to them? Hmm, maybe, I will never know. Just gotta enjoy their songs at the moment I guess then huh?

Okay, no matter how un-cool this may make me, I admit it. Im watching One Tree Hill and I really like it. But, even though I have admitted to watching this after all those times of denial, one thing must be made clear. I WILL NEVER WATCH/LIKE THE OC. Sorry, just isnt going to happen. Alternating between watching One Tree Hill and playing XBox has made up most of my doing while I am here at home. Then there are those times when I find myself outside on the terrace while eating some dessert while diving into the ocean that is human thought. Thinking, everyone does it but some, more then others.

Besides football, which is only four times a week and only in the mornings there has been nothing to get me out of the house. I am such a bum sometimes. OK, I think that for some reason I have gone on too much. Hmm, I am out of things to say. Maybe the next time I get ahold of this laptop Ill write more...

By the way, my favorite dessert is Apple Tart, the way my Lola makes. XD

posted @ Saturday, April 28, 2007

!&Wednesday, April 18, 2007

"You need to be able to detach yourself from the worlf that you live in." These are the words of a man whom I have much respect for. You need to be able to distance yourself from the problems of this world for dwelling on them can lead to instanity. This world is really messed up yes but there are so many joys in it as well. But the thing is, the bad things always seem to stick with you longer then all the joys that you go through. You have to be able to set yourself apart from them, the bad things in this world. Now why? BECAUSE THINGS IN THIS WORLD DO NOT LAST. This is true, so very very true. The only things that last are those things that deal with God. The only thing that matters in the end is our trust and faith in God Almighty. I am not going to impose my religion on anyone, do not mistake me for doing so but this is what I believe in andif you have another stand, I respect it and if you believe in it then, kudos to you for having something to believe in.

There are so many people who have nothing to believe in. Nothing to look forward to or even to hope for. The human soul needs hope.The human soul needs to believe that there is life after death or else this life becomes all too important. Because for the person without an afterlife, this is it. This life is all they will ever have. When they mess up, when they make a mistake, and everyone makes them, they get so upset. Because that is all that matters, what they just did, in this life, is it. There is no more second tries and when they die, if people forget about their lives they leave the world just as they entered it but without making an impact. Their life was meaningless. But the thing is, this world holds little barring when taking into account the big picture. THINGS DO NOT END HERE. There is still an eternity to live out. An eternity to live out with God. So do not mourn for the deaths of those you love, celebrate because they have just gone to paradise just a tad bit sooner then you.

Maybe, just maybe Im getting too religious here. Took the MRT for the first time in the longest time. Reminds me of the U.S. Upon entering it, it becomes hard to comprehend that something so clean and efficent can actually be here in the Philippines amongst all the disorder and arrest that is our country. Goes straight to Katipunan from very near my house. No problem going to school now for me. Hehe, thats great news for me.

Trying to organize a get togetherof the guys this friday. Just lunch then a movie but anytime spent with these guys are priceless. I really really love these guys and I am not afraid to say so.

I do not understand this macho ideal of not saying anything that people deem as 'sappy.' If you feel something, just say it. When you love someone, in any way, you have to tell them that because you never know, you never will know if you will ever have the chance to say it again. People you care about could disappear before you even know it. The people that care for you may lose you before hearing the things you wanted to tell them. I believe, with all my heart, that what you feel there, in your heart can not afford to be locked up. You can not push away the 'good' emotions. You have to express them.

Once again, I am digging too deep for some people. I may appear, from the way I write to be queer or strange but in reality, this is really how I feel about the things that I write here, and of you consider that as being queer or strange. Then maybe, just maybe, I am.

Prime example, the incident in Virginia Tech. Gunman comes and kills all these college students. Sparring no one before taking his own life. You must have all heard or read about it already. Do you think that all of those who died at the hands of this man were able to tell those they cared about who much they loved them. I hope that they were able to but the reality is that most of them maybe were not able to. That alot of them kept what they felt about other people inside. Holding it off for another day, another time, another place. Thing is, THERE MAY NEVER BE ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER TIME OR ANOTHER PLACE. Thats the reality of it all, it sucks, yes but it is something that we enter life with. Its on the fine print of being born that you will die and that everyone around you will die eventually as well. We have to be ready for that, we have to be prepared.

Are you? Have you told those that you love how you feel? If not, you should. You may never get that chance to do so. I know, from first hand experience I know. Now I hope that you can grasp something from what I have written here, you may not realize how much it can help you.

posted @ Wednesday, April 18, 2007

!&Saturday, April 14, 2007

"And here we are. In between where we were and where we want to go. We will enter a world that is filled with trials, a world that will test the kind of person that we are." This is something that I took out of a speech I gave during our graduation. It was the grad speech actually. These words mean alot to me, and it is not because I thought them up or because I said it. It because that these words mean something. High school is very different from college, it is even farther away from who real life really is. College is a big step, for anyone, anywhere. And yet here I am, in between all the memories and joys of my high school and dreading the strangness, the alien world of college.

Trials? Yes, trials. The real world holds many dangers, many temptations. Temptations, it is always so much easier to give into them, it is always easier to give into peer pressure. Conforming to the ideals of the world is easier. The world will view you as cool or 'astig' for doing what it wants you to do. The world wants you to have pre-marital sex. The world wants you to do drugs. The world wants you to steal, cus and hate. The world wants you to do all of this and its easier to do them. In the end it is easier to conform to the world and be cool then to stay true to yourself only to be looked upon as a nerd.

To us them the choice is, to be cool or to be looked upon as a nerd. What a choice yet only we are the ones who can make it. What am I? Only time will tell what I will end up being.

Just a thought really. Was cleaning my room earlier(which is a happening as rare as a solar eclipse mind you) and stumbled upon my speech in a folder along with some other papers.

My little cousin went to the hospital today *gulp*. Dog bit her round the head and she had several bad puntures. I have always hated that dog. He isnt sweet and lovable like my two Labs(oh God I love them XD) but hyper and wild. His name is Ringo Star, and for the longest time, I had no idea who Ringo was. Shows how much I really know huh. XD She is alright now but is on some medications to be sure she doesnt get an infection etc etc etc....

Brother and I are currently addicted to some world war II first person shooters that we borrowed from a good friend, Issac Siojo. The Siojo's are one of two families that us(the Riskins) are still close to. They are the survivors of a large group of friends we had before when we lived here in QC and when of course when mom was still alive.

A very cool Tito of mine is back visiting from the U.S. Gerrard Dacudao. We used to call him Tito Pogi. Back when I was fat(I was really really fat) he hid the cookies from me and I only got some if I promised to call him Tito Pogi every single time I saw him. Can you imagine, a lifetime of calling him that in exchange for one single chocolate cookie? Now who would do that? ...... Okay, Im guilty. I did it. Haha, of course it didnt last forever. It kinda phased out, but it did last pretty long. Shows what happens when you hold eating about all.

Which leads me to something else. Sometimes I get so bored that the most intresting thing I can do in the house is eat. Yes, eating for fun. This is like super bad for me and yet I have been doing it for quite sometime. I feel so...plump although I do not look it yet, I merely feel it. This is a bad habit that I will break. I will only eat during meal times, starting today. Must say that I have done a very good job so far. XD According to a teacher of mine, you need at least something like 21 days to break habit. 1 down, 20 more to go. Wish me luck.

I will allow myself some treats here and there. For example, the chocolate that currently is occupying my mouth. I have really bad self control sometimes, when it comes to my body. Examples, I have a hard time waking up early, or exercising. But I have good self control when it comes to my emotions or my school work. Strange, possessing the qualities in one field yet lacking the same qualities in another slightly different one. Really strange.....

Anyways, I have been having a hard time posting simply because my Dell laptop is like so dead already. Cant use it at all. Using my Aunt's laptop now so thats why I am able to post. Nothing much to do on the computer now a days. There are not even that many people going online to chat with on YM. Bummer really.

Anyways, I think that is enough for now. Till the next time I can steal my Aunt's laptop to use it to make a post then. XD

posted @ Saturday, April 14, 2007

!&Sunday, April 08, 2007

I am a people pleaser. Always have been and it seems that my life has been shaped around this uncontrolable need to make people happy. Make people happy even sometimes at the expensive of my own happiness. Making people happy gives me the greatest joy that I have yet to achive in life. Sometimes doing something in exhange for a smile, or a thanks, or a look of appreciation...That's how it works out alot of the time. Ill do anything to put a smile on a person's face. I am always ready to do favors for my friends and family but sometimes it gets to the point when people already assume that I will do something for them. Sometimes, me helping them with something becomes so normal that they take it for granted. They no long give me that smile and that simple 'thank you' becomes as rare as a polar bear in the Philippines. Thats pretty rare unless you live in Manila Zoo or something. It hurts. All I strive for is to make people happy, to give them joy and yet they do not always see the effort that I put into it or they can not even appreciate it. I do not give a gift and then ask for one in return. I merely ask that my work be aknowledged.

Many people tell me that I should not rely on the views of others. That people's views do not change or shape the kind of person I am. I am secure, as a person in who I am, other people's views have nothing to do with it. I have my personal view on who I am as a person and it is constantly changing. I am constantly moulding it to improve.

The phrase, 'You are the potter I am the clay' comes to mind. God will shape my life and I'll do my best to make this vase something He will be proud of.

posted @ Sunday, April 08, 2007

!&Saturday, April 07, 2007

I am not the Nathan Riskin that I was before graduating High School from HEdCen at the Little Farmhouse. That Nathan Riskin was strong, invincible and meaningful in all he did. The Nathan Riskin today April 7,2007 is not strong, he's armor has cracked and he has no purpose.

I am not going emo, although sometimes it may look that way. Emo people look at their life and says it sucks. I have looked at myself and seen that I am not at my best. I know I can do so much more then what I am doing now yet, I am stuck at nothingness. I have not done anything purposful this summer and it is disappointing. I need something to do, something to make me work, to strive for excellence. I have always been an achiver and without anything to achive, I am in trouble.

posted @ Saturday, April 07, 2007

!&Thursday, April 05, 2007

What is that which we call a summer vacation? Many people view it as freedom. Others, as fun. Some even view it as "heaven on earth."

But summer vacation has all so different a meaning for me. Summer comes out as a lonely time for me. Not really alot to do but all the time in the world to just think, and think and think and then think some more. What comes out of all this thinking? Nothing that I would be all too willing to talk about.

I need a break, I need Holy Week to finish so I can do something with my friends. I need rescuing.

posted @ Thursday, April 05, 2007

!&Monday, April 02, 2007

Ah, summer. What a time for laziness to kick in. On the bad side, laziness seems to have a cousin, and they never leave home without the other, boredom.

People problem, actually family problem struck recently, misunderstanding really. You would be surprised by how little sometimes relatives can talk to talk to each other, when they do finally talk, they get everything messed up and then *KABOOM* problems. We have worked it out as proper mature adults (I'm not really an adult but who cares), no screaming, no temper tantrums, no pouting or any of the other things usually associated with fighting. Adult-like-problem-solving. XD

I am still looking for some productive ways to spend my time. Soccer starts in a week and that is something I am dying to come faster.

Not in the mood to write anything meaningful today, maybe tomorrow.

posted @ Monday, April 02, 2007